asks you if she’s pretty
your heart will drop like a wineglass
on the hardwood floor
part of you will want to say
of course you are, don’t ever question it
and the other part
the part that is clawing at
will want to grab her by her shoulders
look straight into the wells of
her eyes until they echo back to you
you do not have to be if you don’t want to
it is not your job
both will feel right
one will feel better
she will only understand the first
when she wants to cut her hair off
or wear her brother’s clothes
you will feel the words in your
mouth like marbles
you do not have to be pretty if you don’t want to
it is not your job"
— it is not your job | Caitlyn Siehl (via the-healing-nest)
you totally thought I abandoned you didn’t you?
I’ve been really busy with lots of really exciting and not so exciting things and this blog has suffered the consequences.
It’s not your fault. So please, don’t blame yourself.
Just know that I think of you often, that I come by to lurk and check out what’s new in this corner of the world, and that I care about you more than my lack of posting probably communicates.
I’ll try to be better.
Today we celebrated the culmination of O’s third year on this planet with a party.
Almost 2 weeks after her actual day, she was more than ready to celebrate with her friends. We have been talking about it for at least that long.
It was a great day. Beautiful So Cal weather… warm, a slight breeze, sun. Ahhh. The endorphins and vitamin D are flowing once again.
It’s funny how we had every intention of making this a simple party. Just the essentials. And it was, really, pretty simple, but I still found myself in PJs 30 minutes before the guests were supposed to arrive. But with the help of amazing family and friends who came early, we made it.
This time we opted for make your own sandwiches, Costco cake (because it’s yummy, and cheap and the hubs talked me out of making two two-layer cakes on my own —- good call hubs, I’d still be frosting them). Since the kids are getting older, I decided I needed a craft table. An accessory that the hubs also tried to talk me out of, but I could not be dissuaded from this one. And I’d say it was a hit:
I also couldn’t resist staying up late to make my own craft:
Anyway, I’d say the party was a success. There were no injuries, everyone had food and cake and I was only left with 4 extra favors.
It was a good day. I hope O had as much fun as I think she did. Lots of fun new memories to take into another year of growth, love, and balloons. Some you get to hang onto, and others that would prefer to take off into the sky :)
Cheese. I am pure. Cheese.
It was a sad day yesterday.
At the end of bath time with the water draining from the tub, O, per usual, stayed behind to get a little alone time while I got M dressed. She was enjoying drawing all over the bathtub with her favorite, barely usable decapitated bathtub crayons.
When I returned, she was looking slightly forlorn with a finger down the drain. She calmly asked whether I might be able to retrieve her crayon from said drain.
She was severely disappointed to learn that the crayon, was most likely rubbing noses with the fish by now … well probably not fish per say, but you know what I mean.
O, however, did not know what I mean and slowly went from hopeful to devastated as the realization sunk in that the orange crayon… well it was gone for good.
She cried. She wanted to get out of the tub. She first wanted mommy, then she wanted daddy, and when neither one could work their magic to make the crayon reappear, she was just sad.
I know it sounds really silly. And it was mostly, really silly, but then it was also like watching O experience a first loss.
It gave me a little twinkling of an idea of how difficult it will be when the big losses start happening. Because now she truly gets it. Gets that the crayon, is gone, forever. And the worst part, she didn’t mean for the crayon to disappear, but it did nonetheless.
And so tonight’s post is dedicated to the lovely orange bathtub crayon I will now lovingly refer to as Oge (pronounced OH-g). We hope you really are swimming with the fishies tonight… and not knee deep in a stinky pile of crap.
Goodnight sweet Oge, goodnight.
A couple things.
Like why I never post.
Or why I haven’t posted a picture in eons even though I have that new fancy camera.
Or why it has been colder despite global warming.
and lucky you, I have the answer to all THREE!
I almost never post anymore because I suddenly have gotten a little busier and am simultaneously feeling less inspired. Which is sad. On all accounts. I have much to be inspired by in my life. I think maybe I have started to feel a little more vulnerable, knowing my friends and family now read these words with regularity. That my friends is really cool and also really scary. I have to meter what I write because if I let you all into my soul… well, just maybe you won’t like me ;)
I haven’t posted a picture because of reason #1 above, but ALSO my dear sweet fluttering butterfly of a niece found the dangling strap of my camera too much of a temptation not to pull. And who could blame her really? It’s black and white and red all over. If I saw something at my eye level that was cool like that, I’d pull it too. The only problem with it is that after being pulled down, it happened to crash onto the kitchen floor. Right in the middle of Christmas dinner. But no fear my friends, it has been sent away to get fixed and because it is under warranty so far they say it won’t cost me a dime. So you may start seeing some new pictures soon.
Enjoy. Happy Wednesday to you.
Three years ago today, at 3:10 PM, my littlest biggest was born.
I have so many cliche sentences rolling around in my mind right now how did we get here so quickly? where did the time go? it was like yesterday. they grow up so fast. my world is so different now that she is here.
And it is all true.
It’s hard to imagine what life was like before she was in my world. Before I knew what it was like to be a mom, and love, like this.
We have been through so much in this transition to family-hood and I feel so blessed to have such an amazing teacher in my little Olive.
She is patient, and silly, and open and observant, and cuddly and loving and playful and articulate and creative and wise.
I can’t wait to see what these next years bring to our experience of our biggest little. To see how she continues to grow into herself and experience the world with her sense of wonderment and joy. To see the kind of person she becomes and the way in which she embraces how she chooses to live within this great big world.
Happy birthday to my favorite 3 year old, miss Olive Frances. I love you so.
It’s been pretty magical. Lots of love and laughs. Culminating in the best surprise revealed in an unsramble of letters found in my Christmas morning gifts; a surprise jaunt to NYC for new years with the hubs. He planned childcare, bought the tickets, secured a place to stay all without me having any idea. He’s pretty great.